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My sexuality is a myriad of contradictions. I don't consider myself afaggot and actually am a bit revolted by gay culture, but I was born aboy who has grown up to be a sissy. The fact that when I was younger Iwas slight and always a bit too skinny set me off from the other males ofmy generation. It's not like I played with dolls in my youth, but growingup with a beautiful and very naughty mother warped me. It's not mymommy's fault. I was fascinated with her femininity and, even at a youngage, I sensed her sexuality. The fact is I was sexually attracted to herat a very young age, but not in the way that most boys would be. Whenpuberty hit I was filled with hormones and, like any young 12 year old, Idid play with myself and fantasised about sex. Most k**s think aboutother women or girls their age, when they touch their young cocks. Notme: I thought about mommy.The thing is I never thought about actually having sex with her. That wasnot what got me off when I touched my prick. I thought. ‘What about his … boy-f … I mean … what about that other…’ I had never heard my mother struggle for words. Normally nothing phases her, but Malichai’s ‘bisexual curiosity had her squirming. ‘They are finished Mama.’ I said with more certainty than I actually felt. ‘Are they now? And he’s gotten this ‘man’ thing out of his system?’ ‘Mama Please?’ ‘Is he finished with men Justine?’ ‘It was just the one time Mama, and he says he loves me.’ She took another long drag of her cigarette, held it, and blew it out as if she were attempting to blow Malichai right out of my head. ‘It was one time, so he says, for four years! And he said he loved you before! So, is the boy finished with the men Justine?’ ‘Yes Mama, yes he is finished with men, he wants me, and he loves me.’ ‘And you want him too, you love him?’ She asked flatly. A few minutes passed before I answered, for once content to listen to her smoke. ‘Yes Mama, I love him, I want him, I need him …’ ‘Then baby, if you love him so much.
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